Seen.By.Ice.Queen: coming to my senses

This song never fails to bring tears to my eyes. Mind you, I'm not a sappy soul. In fact, I've been repeated chided by my sisters for smirking instead of crying at soppy films.

But this song. This song hits that nerve.

I remembered one time when I was seated by the Suntec fountain having dinner with my, then boyfriend. They were playing this song in the background. Right there, in the middle of dinner, tears just rolled down my cheeks. (needless to say it freaked the hell outta my bf but THAT is another story for another time.)

Why the raw nerve you ask. The problem is, I really don't know. My better friends will tell you I am logical as hell when it comes to matters of the heart. Well, almost. I am as unromantic and impassive to the art of romance as a woman is likely to be but I am after all not made of stone.

I have been spending a good part of my life trying to figure out this illusive idea called LOVE. How do you know when it is LOVE. What is LOVE? When is LOVE, LOVE? Who do we really LOVE? Why do you LOVE who you LOVE?


The one abstract, intangible THING that has made many otherwise regular, right-minded folks do the strangest things. Let's not even go into history & fairy tales (Romeo & Juliet, 粱山伯 祝英台, Anthony & Cleopatra, Prince Charles & Princess Di... blah blah blah...) but just around us, we know people who have wrecked their lives (literally or figuratively) because of LOVE. Lose weight, lose appetite. lose sleep, lose their mind because of LOVE.

Ever so often, we hear about the increase in divorce rates. Does that spell the end of love around us? Or signify the blossoming of new LOVE?

Around me, I have friends, family, people I know. Celebrating or suffering because of LOVE.

But what IS love? I really do not know. I can't even begin to describe.

When my paternal grandpa passed away while I was a teenager, his first wife (he had 2 that we knew of) whom he had 4 children with (before leaving behind in China and coming to Singapore to set up another family) flew in from China and wept bitterly at the funeral, as if she spent every single day of her married life to him sharing his bed and life.

Looking at her back then, I wondered to myself how she had remained so in LOVE with him while he spent most of their married lives away from her.

In my late teens, I met a man whose indiscreet relationship with a married lady led to so much drama that almost cost him his life. This woman says she LOVEs him. But did he LOVE her?

A lady I know was in LOVE with a man for 8 years before he broke up with her and married someone else a year later. It's been almost 3 decades. She's remained single since. So did he LOVE her or did he try to find out if he was indeed in LOVE with her only to discover he did not. hence the result? Is she still in LOVE with him? Or has she given up on LOVE?

LOVE.. you can't see it, you can't hear it, you can't taste it, you can't smell it, you can't touch it. But when it happens, it excites all your senses and makes you go senseless. But when it ceases, it makes you feel like a walking carcass.

So intangible and yet so powerful to be able to cause real physical damage. I rest my case..

To God: for letting me wake up alive and well.

To my sweet 6 year old present: it's OK that you didn't get me a present because you are the best present of my life.

To my family: for cooking the mee swah with love, for spending time just chillaxing with me eating horrible ramen and waiting for my shoes to be fixed, for chatting over tea, for making time to have dinner and arranging a surprise birthday song. For just being my family :)





To my dear relatives & friends: for the necklace and cake that you specially got for me, for calling and leaving me lovely messages on sms and FB, for remembering that it is my birthday.


Today has made me realize that my life is meaningful and is made rich and beautiful because of YOUR presence in it. The wealth of my life has got nothing to do with money or assets but everything to do with the fact that having YOU in my life makes me feel