If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be here
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darlin' wait and see
And between now and then
Till I see you again I'll be loving you
Love Me
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be here
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darlin' wait and see
And between now and then
Till I see you again I'll be loving you
Love Me
This song never fails to bring tears to my eyes. Mind you, I'm not a sappy soul. In fact, I've been repeated chided by my sisters for smirking instead of crying at soppy films.
But this song. This song hits that nerve.
I remembered one time when I was seated by the Suntec fountain having dinner with my, then boyfriend. They were playing this song in the background. Right there, in the middle of dinner, tears just rolled down my cheeks. (needless to say it freaked the hell outta my bf but THAT is another story for another time.)
Why the raw nerve you ask. The problem is, I really don't know. My better friends will tell you I am logical as hell when it comes to matters of the heart. Well, almost. I am as unromantic and impassive to the art of romance as a woman is likely to be but I am after all not made of stone.
I have been spending a good part of my life trying to figure out this illusive idea called LOVE. How do you know when it is LOVE. What is LOVE? When is LOVE, LOVE? Who do we really LOVE? Why do you LOVE who you LOVE?
The one abstract, intangible THING that has made many otherwise regular, right-minded folks do the strangest things. Let's not even go into history & fairy tales (Romeo & Juliet, 粱山伯 祝英台, Anthony & Cleopatra, Prince Charles & Princess Di... blah blah blah...) but just around us, we know people who have wrecked their lives (literally or figuratively) because of LOVE. Lose weight, lose appetite. lose sleep, lose their mind because of LOVE.
Ever so often, we hear about the increase in divorce rates. Does that spell the end of love around us? Or signify the blossoming of new LOVE?
Around me, I have friends, family, people I know. Celebrating or suffering because of LOVE.
But what IS love? I really do not know. I can't even begin to describe.
When my paternal grandpa passed away while I was a teenager, his first wife (he had 2 that we knew of) whom he had 4 children with (before leaving behind in China and coming to Singapore to set up another family) flew in from China and wept bitterly at the funeral, as if she spent every single day of her married life to him sharing his bed and life.
Looking at her back then, I wondered to myself how she had remained so in LOVE with him while he spent most of their married lives away from her.
In my late teens, I met a man whose indiscreet relationship with a married lady led to so much drama that almost cost him his life. This woman says she LOVEs him. But did he LOVE her?
A lady I know was in LOVE with a man for 8 years before he broke up with her and married someone else a year later. It's been almost 3 decades. She's remained single since. So did he LOVE her or did he try to find out if he was indeed in LOVE with her only to discover he did not. hence the result? Is she still in LOVE with him? Or has she given up on LOVE?
LOVE.. you can't see it, you can't hear it, you can't taste it, you can't smell it, you can't touch it. But when it happens, it excites all your senses and makes you go senseless. But when it ceases, it makes you feel like a walking carcass.
So intangible and yet so powerful to be able to cause real physical damage. I rest my case..
1 comments:
Love is not just a feeling. Love is an action. It is what we do that constitutes love. It is the mutual gifting of one's gifts in relationships that constitutes love. It is the opening of one’s heart to another, and yes, that includes opening it to pain and suffering.
One of my teachers identifies what people call Love these as 3 things: Love, Romance/Romantic Infatuation and Sexual Polarity. Many people confuse one with the others.
The real practice of Love is to open one’s heart even amidst pain and suffering. It is about being fully present and available to the person/being/thing you are loving.
Romantic attraction begins with a strong feeling of oneness and of bonding. However, this ‘honeymoon’ feeling never lasts. Relationships based on romantic attraction always result in not getting the love one craves. It is based on past conditioning that resides in our subconscious that comes to the fore when we ‘notice’ the qualities in the other person that we are ‘attracted to’ or rather, familiar with.
When things turn ugly, for example “Fatal Attraction” ugly, it is usually that one party feels aggrieved that s/he has put in so much and has lost so much. It is fear-based without any heart in it. The pain the aggrieved party feels is not in the heart, but in the ego. I concede that this is generalising in many ways but ultimately does not constitute real love.
There are 3 stages to relationships: Stage 1: Dependency (What's in it for me?) Stage 2: 50/50 (Mutual benefits). Stage 3: Intimate Commununion: (I relax into oneness and spontaneously give my deepest gift).
When some people feel that they love someone, many times it is either Stage 1 or Stage 2. The feeling that if you attach to someone, you will automatically become complete. It does not work that way.
That’s why sometime when the relationship breaks down, people go ballistic, turn inward or swear never to love again. This happens because they are placing love as something outside of themselves. Something that they need to get rather than give.
Love takes work. Relationships take work. Nothing works except the people in the relationships. It also takes courage and commitment.
True love is about helping the other person reach their highest growth possible in the context of a mutually gifting relationship. There is no keeping of score and no tabling of results. Given this is easier said than done, which is why I believe that Love and Relationships have to be practices that we practice and DO in our lives.
Chasing for that elusive feeling of love is just like chasing after the wind.
With heart
Lionel Koh
P.S. Sorry for the long comment